There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

– Douglas Adams

It is very easy to be blinded to the essential uselessness of (the products) by the sense of achievement you get from getting them to work at all.

Their fundamental design flaws are completely hidden by their superficial design flaws.

– Douglas Adams

Time is an illusion, and lunchtime doubly so.

– Douglas Adams

Onomatopoeia isn’t what it sounds like.

– Stephen Squire

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him secure his wireless.

– Matthew Carpenter

A simile is like a metaphor.

– Stephen Squire

Hyperbole is the greatest rhetorical device of all time in the universe.

– Stephen Squire

The best time to bluff is with four aces.

– Larry Niven

There is a rumour going around that I have found God. I think this is unlikely because I have enough difficulty finding my keys, and there is empirical evidence that they exist.

– Terry Pratchett

A mind like a steel trap

that’s been sprung and then rusted shut.

– Stephen Squire

Just because it’s a nitwit idea doesn’t mean that it’s not gonna happen.

– Stephen Squire


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