I first read Joseph Heller’s Catch-22 when I was 15 or so. It was for the most part hilarious except when it wasn’t. Think MASH but set in WWII instead of Korea.

One of the characters was Major Major Major Major. He got his own chapter. The chapter was mostly about how his father picked Major⁴‘s name.

His father had a lot of choices to pick from: Drum, Minor, Sergeant, C Sharp (I had to look that one up, I’d remembered it as B Flat). He eventually decided that his son would not only have Major as a last name, but also as a first name. AND also as a middle name, making him Major Major Major. 

Major Major Major’s dad initially lied to everyone and said that he’d named his son Caleb to delay the inevitable grief he’d get when they found out the truth.

The inevitable happened when Caleb was enrolled in school.

Later, Major Major Major enlisted in the army as a private and was promoted to major within 4 days by officers with a lot of time on their hands and a sense of humor. It soon became apparent that while he’d never be promoted again (for the same reason), he’d never be demoted (also for the same reason).

A few days ago, we were playing trivia and our team was tied with another team for first place. There would be a sudden death question to pick a winner.

The question was “Which book has a character named “Major Major Major Major”? I frantically looked for Catch-22 on the tablet and stabbed it with my finger. I was told that I beat the other team by a tenth of a second. Our team was victorious.

I got credit from my teammates for remembering Major Major Major Major, but really, who could forget that name?