We bought a new car recently and I learned a lesson – car dealerships are a55holes. This isn’t a surprising revelation but it’s been heavily reinforced.

The first visit to the dealership.

Pam already knew which car she wanted. She also knew the color that she wanted and that the dealership had it. We went to the dealership to see if we could start the process of buying the car.

The first thing we learned was that the dealership didn’t have the color that we wanted. But, they promised that if we gave them a deposit, they’d put a hold on a car that wasn’t the color that we really wanted.

For complicated reasons, we didn’t want to take delivery of the car for a few weeks. To accommodate us, the dealership said that they’d make us take it as soon as the ink was dry and the car showed up at the dealership.

I said “Thanks, but no thanks” and we started walking to the door. Another dealership manager appeared to ask us why. I explained that I didn’t want to spend money on a car that I didn’t really want at a time when I didn’t want it. I also mentioned that my favorite way of dealing with a “hard sell” was to walk away.

This process was repeated as more managers showed up, but it always ended the same, until we actually drove off.

The second visit to the dealership.

A few weeks later, the dealership called to say that the car that we wanted would arrive soon and they asked if we wanted to come by to see if we’d buy it.

We were busy until Sunday, so that’s when we showed up. Unfortunately, the car that we wanted didn’t show up after all. Maybe next time.

The third visit to the dealership.

Another few weeks later, the dealership called to say that the car that we wanted would arrive soon and they asked if we wanted to come by to see if we’d buy it.

We stopped by after work to be told that, surprise, the car with the color that we wanted didn’t actually show up. They asked us to put some money down on a car that was really really going to show up any day now.

I told them in words that were quite specific that I wasn’t putting down a dime for a car that I hadn’t seen.

“But wait! There is a car on the lot in the right color that you can take a look at.” The amount of cooperation that you get when you haven’t paid yet is amazing.

They took us out to see the car in the right color. Damn! That color sucked balls. It was nothing like the color that the web sites were showing us.

“Show us a car in the other shade of blue.” They took us to a car with the other shade of blue. This time, we liked it – maybe it grew on us. This reinforced the lesson of “Don’t pay for a car you haven’t seen!”

We said “We’ll take it” and we started filling out paperwork. This process was a lot faster than usual because we were paying cash but it still took a lot of time and ink.

Just when we were almost out the door, we had to go to another office and sign more stuff. This involved paying for a maintenance plan that we didn’t want. “No, thank you” we said.

They came back with “Aw, c’monnnnn.” This went back and forth for a while with variations on why we should spend more money.

His last attempt was interesting. “The upper managers and the owners look at the sales figures and if they see that we sold a car without this maintenance plan, they’ll come down hard on me.”

I replied “That just tells me that you’re working for some real jerks.”

He looked confused – “Why do you think they’re jerks?”

“Because they’ll give you a hard time if you don’t sell the maintenance plan that we don’t want.”

This lead to some quality back-peddling. He gave a couple of more tries but his heart obviously wasn’t in it. We soon drove off with the new car and no POS maintenance plan.

The fourth visit to the dealership

Since I just told you that we drove off with the new car, why is there a fourth visit to the dealership?

When I went to program the car’s garage door opener, I discovered that it had a total and catastrophic existence failure. I searched the car and googled the Internet and came to the inescapable conclusion that the car didn’t have a garage door opener.

I did find out that I could have one installed at our friendly dealership for the low, low price of far too much.

I called our salesperson and asked “Criminy willikers! This car is more loaded than a judge on Sunday. Why doesn’t it have a garage door opener?”

They didn’t know, but they happily scheduled an appointment to have the bloody thing installed.

The appointment was on the coming weekend. I sulked a bit as I waited for it.

I felt better once I got home, programmed the opener and worked the garage door.