Dad sometimes tells this old joke:

Two southern belles were talking.
Belle 1: My husband bought me a new ring.
Belle 2: Oh, that’s nice.
Belle 1: My husband bought me a new house.
Belle 2: Oh, that’s nice.
Belle 1: He also bought me an island in the Caribbean.
Belle 2: Oh, that’s nice.
Belle 1: I’m so sorry. I’m just talking about myself. What about you?
Belle 2: Well, my husband gave me elocution lessons.
Belle 1 (sounding dubious): Elocution lessons?
Belle 2: Yes. Before, when someone annoyed me, I’d say “Go fuck yourself”. Now, I just say “Oh, that’s nice.”

I guess I have my own equivalent of “Oh, that’s nice.” Instead of saying “Those fu*kers at Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe” I’ll say “The fine folks at Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe”. I like the alliteration with the “f”s.

I often found myself replacing “That’s bloody stupid and it’ll never work,” with “That seems optimistic.”

As Pam was proofreading this post for me, she mentioned that I’ve said that some of her plans “seem optimistic”.

Please excuse me while I do some fast talking.