While in Las Vegas, we went to a show called “Tony ‘n’ Tina’s Wedding”. It was hilarious. It’s an audience-participation dinner theater show. The premise is that the audience are among the guests of a stereotypical Italian wedding. The show has the wedding and the reception.

The characters include:

• Tony, the groom
• Tina, the bride
• The father of the groom (FOG)
• The mother of the bride (MOB)
• FOG’s girlfriend (FOGGF)
• The drunk priest
• The nun sister of the bride with a wild past.
• The flamboyant but not officially out gay brother of the bride (BOB) – “Here comes the queen and the bride’s with him”
• The severely pregnant bridesmaid
• The trampy bridesmaid
• The drunk macho cousin groomsmen
• The long lost mysterious cousin who “has a lot of nerve showing his face here”
• The MC with very offensive, culturally insensitive jokes mixed in with just plain bad jokes

The cast sounded like they were from the Sopranos.

FOG sat at our table. When I heard that FOGGF was going to sit at the table, I wondered if she would be a stripper or something. So when I saw a statuesque woman in a very tight outfit with her boobs barely contained and well shaken (think blond bombshell) approaching, I said “oh my god.”

Various comedic dramas happened around us, including:

• A jealous bridesmaid fought with her boyfriend because he was rubbing someone else’s ass
• MOB kept crying over the loss of her long-departed husband
• The flamboyantly gay BOB was waving a jar of peanuts and shouting “Who wants to taste my nuts”
• The nun was choking on some of BOB’s nuts so there was consternation as the best man performed the Heimlich maneuver

For whatever reason, MOB and FOGGF were mortal enemies who swore at each other across the room. When FOGGF left our table, MOB came by and took off with FOGGF’s purse and chair. MOB swore those of us at the table to secrecy.
FOGGF came by and demanded to know who took her stuff. I sang like canary and ratted out MOB. FOGGF confronted MOB. My name came up, which I’d said was Bert for some reason. MOB said that she didn’t like squealers and that I wouldn’t get dinner.
Sure enough, while we were eating, MOB ran over and took away my plate.
Then FOG came by shouting “What did she do? What did she do?”
FOG returned my dinner to me and MOB spent the rest of the show giving me the stink-eye and a number of very rude gestures. She also smeared cake on my face.
FOGGF told me “Don’t worry. I’ll have her killed.”

Pam thinks that I somehow attract this kind of attention at these kinds of shows but she doesn’t know what I’m doing to get it. I’m just as puzzled.